Oh my! So this is interesting

A company called William’s trading co. has created an on-the-go kink kit! This seems like a beautiful thing to be honest.  I know that I feel so away from home without all my favorite toys but bringing my bulky trunk on trips with me is pretty much impossible. Here is the link to the press release about this product: Pocket Dungeon

Essentially it is a lovely little leather case that comes with some accessories all kinksters need. There is a little retractable metal handle that comes with various attachments that will turn it into a flogger, a crop, a cat ‘o nine tails or various other little fun toys! There is a small version of the kit and a large version that comes with the previously mentioned little tool as well as a gag, cuffs, blind fold , door attachment, nipple clamps and a few other things.

Over-all this seems like a really cool toy and I hope maybe one day I can get a little sample or possibly purchase one of my own! I do travel between states often so it seems like something worth adding to my list.

-Sir

Advertisements

Q: Sir, what is the difference between a Master and a Sir, if you don’t mind my asking.

It’s a very open ended question but a good one. The titles are what you make of them. A Master could be anything and so could a Sir. But I’m assuming this isn’t the answer you’re looking for. Let me preface what I’m about to say with the fact that this is just based on my personal experiences and opinions and that it in no way sets up a frame of references for any Sir or Master. Speak to the Dom to understand what it is they are all about!

In my travels, most people who refer to themselves as Sir are people who put a high price on domestic abilities and more of the gentler kink. There seems to be more flexibility and less of a desire to dominate completely. They tend to let their subs act and speak more freely. Now…Like I said, this is not true across the board. I have met Sir’s who simple like the sound of ‘Sir’ better than ‘Master’ when they crack their whip across their slave’s ass. Master does seem to hold to a certain level of power though. When you have a Master you tend to have a slave or pet on the other end who have a little less say in the daily going on’s.

That is my persnal opinion, though as I stated more than once, there are exceptions to these rules and I’ve found that most Dom’s pick what they want to be called simply because it appeals to them on some level. I’ve met people who liked to be called ‘Marquis’, ‘Lord’, ‘Prince’ and many other titles.

-Sir

Q: Something for subs along the lines of title and respect? Or maybe even for doms on proper ways to communicate this to their subs.

This question feels a little vague so I’m going to try to answer it as completely as possible. If I misunderstand or don’t hit on something please send me some follow ups!

The best way to convey the type of respect you want to receive is to communicate that with your sub. Everyone has different things they find respectful and disrespectful and the best way to handle it is to lay out some firm rules and to learn from experience. No sub is going to be able to cover every scenario that may come up and at times they may do something that you, as a Dom, see as disrespectful or not proper behavior. At that point I think a simple correction is what is in order. I don’t believe in punishing a first time mistake. I think it’s a bad way to conduct yourself as a Dom. You aren’t teaching or advancing your Sub in anyway if you punish them and don’t try to correct the behavior.

If your subs are not respecting you the first thing you need to do is step back and take a look at yourself and your Dom style. Are you being an efficient Dom and picking out the right play partners? I’ve seen so many Dom’s blame their subs for their own mistakes and that is a quality of bad Dom. Take a look at yourself before you start to blame others and move on from there.

Also respect means a lot of different things to people and these things should be covered in a contract or at least a very intense conversation. For example; I find a dirty house extremely disrespectful and house work and cooking are ways for my sub to show me respect and love. Some Dom’s want their Sub to undress them when they come home or kiss their feet. The things that are important to you as a Dom need to be conveyed to your sub clearly and a training method needs to be put in place.

There also has to be a certain level of compatibility. There is no wrong way to Dom (Unless you are forcing someone to do something and pushing limits in a way that is unwelcomed) and there is no clear cut right way either. Everyone has their own path and everyone has certain things that they enjoy. Some Dom’s are completely sexual and some Dom’s like the feeling of power in even everyday things like housework. You have to find out who you are in that respect and then find a sub who is similar.

One of the best ways I can think of would be bratty subs. There are subs out there who fit into a role of a bratty little girl/boy who pouts and stomps and pushes their Dom’s buttons. Some Dom’s LOVE this but I do not. Some Dom’s love the excitement of getting worked up and getting to punish their sub and the sub is looking for just that reaction! I…Do not. I’m not saying it’s bad by any stretch of the imagination and I am friends with sub’s who have this personality. It can be quite adorable but it is not for me. There fore I shouldn’t seek out a sub who has this type of persona and I shouldn’t try to change them.

In short compatibility, communication and consent are what you need to look for and convey when talking to your sub or Dom. Simple conversations over a dinner (consider it a kinky date) can go a long way. Have some wine (If you’re of age) and talk to each other about the things that annoy you and the experiences you’ve both had. Pull from that what you can and ride off into the proverbial sunset together!

-Sir

LETS TALK ABOUT SAFE WORDS

Safe Words. It’s a basic in the BDSM community. It’s one of those things you should expect everyone to know about. But recently I’ve been running into a lot of people who think they are too good for safe words. I hate to burst your bubble; But you aren’t. Safe words or a safety system i key to a safe and sucessful session. It provides and open communication platform for the Sub and a way to keep the Dom in the loop and aware of what is going on with a sub.

Safe words come in a lot of different forms though. Some people like to use words I’ve also seen a red light system which is what I use, personally. If you’re going to use a one word Safety system is prudent that you sit down with your sub and come up with something that is easy to remember and not likely to be said during sex. I think a good way to approach this is to have the sub either use their master’s favorite color or perhaps home town as a safe word. Always check that your sub know what the safe word is before you begin! Have them repeat it to you to ensure they can remember it. I also suggest that as you begin to play and your sub begins to enter their subspace you check with them one final time as ask what the safe word is. It’s easy to do this without breaking the scene. If you’re doing something rougher you can grab their jaw, make them look at you and ask for the safe word gruffly! And if you’re more of a teasing Dom make them repeat it after a nice firm smack on the ass! The important thing is that the sub is able to remember the word in and out of sub space!

And to my dear subs! I would not suggest EVER going with a dom if they don’t use a safety system. It is something used to protect you and as a sub you have every right to feel safe and it’s something you should expect from any good Dom. Remember that good dominants pride safety over anything else! So if you prefer a certain system or you don’t think you’ll be able to remember the safe word talk to your Dom before things get rolling.

I mentioned a Red light system above and it’s something I am seeing more and more in my interactions. A red light system bassiclly uses colors to indicate the space the sub is in. Red light means stop everything, Yellow light means “Slow down” Or “Ease up” which is a great alternative to stopping the scene if the sub just needs you to take it down a few notches. It doesn’t ruin and break the scene needlessly but it gives them a solid way of conveying a slight discomfort. And of course green light means “More please!”. I think it’s a nice alternative and allows for some options as well as being very easy for most subs to remember!

The biggest thing I hope you take from this is that a safety system is MANDATORY. Not optional. We need to keep ourselves and our partners safe.

Safety first, kids.  

-Sir