Okay kiddies. It’s been a while since I’ve done an article but I think it’s time for me to get my voice out on this blog again!

Sub drop is something many people in the lifestyle know about but many of us learned it the hard way, whether you are a sub or dom. So hopefully this article will spare some of you the embarrassment and fear that comes with experiencing sub drop or dom drop.

Sub drop is much more commonly known than dom drop. Sub drop is essentially an overwhelming negative feeling subs get right after a scene or even days after. Sub drop is something that is so variable that it’s hard to tell exactly what might happen. In general, as a sub you might feel anything from a little bit of depression all the way down to complete hysterics. It’s really just knowing how you react to any kind of situation.

And not every sub will react the same in every type of situation. Any kind of scene has a certain risk factor and has to be approached carefully and with a watchful eye. The more intense the scene the harder the drop. A lot of times this emotional roller coaster is actually caused by a number of chemicals the body produces naturally so it needs to be handled delicately. While a sub’s past can affect sub drop it’s also very important to understand that MOST subs experience this on some level and as a dom, you need to be ready to give your sub the support they need.

You also need to understand that there is no time frame for sub and Dom drop. These drops can happen immediately after the scene and be taken care of through normal after care. But some drops may occur hours or days later which is why it’s important that you make yourself reasonable available for your play partners. Yes we all have jobs and school and lives but as a Dom you are making a certain level of commitment to your play partner by involving yourself in any situation that may involve Dom/sub drop.

Please also keep in mind that Dom drop is a thing that exists and needs to be addressed. A lot of times people don’t consider the affect that scenes have on Doms. Dom drop is not as common as sub drop but it does happen and when it does there needs to be an open line of communication between partners. Dom’s may need after care just as much as a sub, especially if the Dom is having problems outside their own lives or if the scene is particularly intense.

I have really only seen Dom drop happen in two scenarios (though it can occur in any situation and that is 100% fine!). The most common one I see is Dom’s who participate in non-con scenes that are particularly violent or real feeling. I’m sorry, but putting yourself in the mind set of someone who is trying to force someone else to have sex is not an easy thing to walk away from without being affected. It is perfectly fine to have that moment of doubt or fear (especially if you happen to be enjoying it a lot) but when this occurs you need to sit down with your sub and tell them what happened and if you want to make changes to similar scenes in the future than that needs to be hashed out as well. Communication is the biggest part of working past any sort of kinky road block!

The second situation I’ve seen Dom drop happen in is in the case of people who have very, very controlling personalities and come out of a scene and back into the real world where they have very little control. This is something I see in some beginner Doms, though I have certainly seen it happen in more experienced Dom’s as well.

The bottom line is that Sub drop and Dom drop can occur at anytime, any place, any scene so you need to be prepared to handle that, no matter what your role is and be a supportive partner for those you play with. Being part of the BDSM community means taking on a lot of responsibility and handling it gracefully.

Feel free to message me any questions regarding this or any other topics.



6 thoughts on “SUB DROP AND DOM DROP

  1. Sir,
    I had never heard of sub drop nor dom drop. I’m wondering if I’ve gone through sub drop, even though I never truly entered the BDSM community. Thank you for providing this significant information. How can a sub avoid sub drop when it’s from a one night stand or a “I will contact you when I want you and not the other way around” relationship. I had one of those with a really kind and gentle guy who I fell for, and I ended up feeling like a slutty trash that had been used and abused.

    • I’m going to apologize first that it took me so long to respond to this! I am trying to get into a better habit of checking my wordpress! Anyway, anyone can experience a sexual drop in any situation, no matter how vanilla it is. If you are the type of person who is going to experience this then you need to make sure your partner understands that and that you have a legitimate way to contact them afterwards. You need to put yourself first and make sure you have the right avenues to care for your physical and mental health as well as your safety. “I’m too busy” is not an excuse. If the person doesn’t want those kinds of strings attached then you should be respectful but reconsider the activities you will participate in with that person. No one should feel negatively after consensual sex and you should always make sure the resources and support you need are going to be available to you when you need them.


  2. Pingback: Shakespeare Needs Aftercare | The University of Abject Submission

  3. I suffer severe Dom drop (my body freaks out at the release of hormones) and I’ve worked with my psych to come up with a strategy to combat it. It’s not perfect but I do have to use my anxiety meds. Anyway, it is a very real thing as well as Sub Drop, thanks for the post!

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