Q: Something for subs along the lines of title and respect? Or maybe even for doms on proper ways to communicate this to their subs.

This question feels a little vague so I’m going to try to answer it as completely as possible. If I misunderstand or don’t hit on something please send me some follow ups!

The best way to convey the type of respect you want to receive is to communicate that with your sub. Everyone has different things they find respectful and disrespectful and the best way to handle it is to lay out some firm rules and to learn from experience. No sub is going to be able to cover every scenario that may come up and at times they may do something that you, as a Dom, see as disrespectful or not proper behavior. At that point I think a simple correction is what is in order. I don’t believe in punishing a first time mistake. I think it’s a bad way to conduct yourself as a Dom. You aren’t teaching or advancing your Sub in anyway if you punish them and don’t try to correct the behavior.

If your subs are not respecting you the first thing you need to do is step back and take a look at yourself and your Dom style. Are you being an efficient Dom and picking out the right play partners? I’ve seen so many Dom’s blame their subs for their own mistakes and that is a quality of bad Dom. Take a look at yourself before you start to blame others and move on from there.

Also respect means a lot of different things to people and these things should be covered in a contract or at least a very intense conversation. For example; I find a dirty house extremely disrespectful and house work and cooking are ways for my sub to show me respect and love. Some Dom’s want their Sub to undress them when they come home or kiss their feet. The things that are important to you as a Dom need to be conveyed to your sub clearly and a training method needs to be put in place.

There also has to be a certain level of compatibility. There is no wrong way to Dom (Unless you are forcing someone to do something and pushing limits in a way that is unwelcomed) and there is no clear cut right way either. Everyone has their own path and everyone has certain things that they enjoy. Some Dom’s are completely sexual and some Dom’s like the feeling of power in even everyday things like housework. You have to find out who you are in that respect and then find a sub who is similar.

One of the best ways I can think of would be bratty subs. There are subs out there who fit into a role of a bratty little girl/boy who pouts and stomps and pushes their Dom’s buttons. Some Dom’s LOVE this but I do not. Some Dom’s love the excitement of getting worked up and getting to punish their sub and the sub is looking for just that reaction! I…Do not. I’m not saying it’s bad by any stretch of the imagination and I am friends with sub’s who have this personality. It can be quite adorable but it is not for me. There fore I shouldn’t seek out a sub who has this type of persona and I shouldn’t try to change them.

In short compatibility, communication and consent are what you need to look for and convey when talking to your sub or Dom. Simple conversations over a dinner (consider it a kinky date) can go a long way. Have some wine (If you’re of age) and talk to each other about the things that annoy you and the experiences you’ve both had. Pull from that what you can and ride off into the proverbial sunset together!

-Sir

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