Q: If a partner has given me permission to play with other females (I am a dominant female), how would I go about finding people to play with who would understand my commitment to my partner and desire to play with other females? I have not played with another female since beginning my relationship with my male sub. I want sane and safe individuals, and it seems that is difficult at best. The last female sub I was with was emotionally unstable, I don’t want to be someone’s crutch.

This lifestyle requires discretion. Unfortunately it seems to draw a lot of people who are looking to fill a void left in their life and not in a constructive way.

However there are alot of really good resources out there for us kinky folks! First might I suggest Fetlife.com. It’s bassicly Facebook for kinky people! It has alot of really amazing forum disscusions that can introduce you to new techniques and new topics! However we need to keep in mind that it IS the internet and that can attract people with not so innocent goals. Just use common sense and go out and meet new people and find new ideas!

I also would like to suggest your local kink clubs. Most large cities have them but you’re going to want to do your research. Some places can be really shady but some can also be really amazing! This is also a good option becuase you can also actually see people sceneing which will give you a feel for their style.

But the biggest thing is to find someone who is compatible with you. I am not a sadist or a masochist so I would never mentor or be mentored by one. It’s also not a bad idea to kind of have a period of time where it’s more of an ‘audtion’. Try some scenes with your potential sub and see how you guys react to each other. Do this for a couple sessions if you need to! You’re doing an amazing favor to yourself and your possible sub by making sure you two work well together.

Have fun!

-Sir

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