Safe Words. It’s a basic in the BDSM community. It’s one of those things you should expect everyone to know about. But recently I’ve been running into a lot of people who think they are too good for safe words. I hate to burst your bubble; But you aren’t. Safe words or a safety system i key to a safe and sucessful session. It provides and open communication platform for the Sub and a way to keep the Dom in the loop and aware of what is going on with a sub.
Safe words come in a lot of different forms though. Some people like to use words I’ve also seen a red light system which is what I use, personally. If you’re going to use a one word Safety system is prudent that you sit down with your sub and come up with something that is easy to remember and not likely to be said during sex. I think a good way to approach this is to have the sub either use their master’s favorite color or perhaps home town as a safe word. Always check that your sub know what the safe word is before you begin! Have them repeat it to you to ensure they can remember it. I also suggest that as you begin to play and your sub begins to enter their subspace you check with them one final time as ask what the safe word is. It’s easy to do this without breaking the scene. If you’re doing something rougher you can grab their jaw, make them look at you and ask for the safe word gruffly! And if you’re more of a teasing Dom make them repeat it after a nice firm smack on the ass! The important thing is that the sub is able to remember the word in and out of sub space!
And to my dear subs! I would not suggest EVER going with a dom if they don’t use a safety system. It is something used to protect you and as a sub you have every right to feel safe and it’s something you should expect from any good Dom. Remember that good dominants pride safety over anything else! So if you prefer a certain system or you don’t think you’ll be able to remember the safe word talk to your Dom before things get rolling.
I mentioned a Red light system above and it’s something I am seeing more and more in my interactions. A red light system bassiclly uses colors to indicate the space the sub is in. Red light means stop everything, Yellow light means “Slow down” Or “Ease up” which is a great alternative to stopping the scene if the sub just needs you to take it down a few notches. It doesn’t ruin and break the scene needlessly but it gives them a solid way of conveying a slight discomfort. And of course green light means “More please!”. I think it’s a nice alternative and allows for some options as well as being very easy for most subs to remember!
The biggest thing I hope you take from this is that a safety system is MANDATORY. Not optional. We need to keep ourselves and our partners safe.
Safety first, kids.