50 shades of shit: Chapter 1

She opens by trying to “tame her hair into submission”. Knowing what is coming and what this book is about? That is just some cheesy shit writing. 

As I was trying to push through this first chapter I said to myself “Gee…I wonder how much of this shit storm I can skip before I get to anything worth correcting or commenting on”. The answer? Page 11.

So for those of you who are blessed enough to have never opened this book; Miss Anastasia Steele is filling in for her “Friend” (I only put this in quotations because she seems completely two faced and completely uncaring towards her sick friend and complains about having been ‘forced’ to do this, internally. But to her friends face she’s all smiles and “Oh no problem sweet heart! You rest!”) in order to interview Mr. Grey who is the owner of a huge industrial company or some shit (It was hard to pay attention). 

During this interview she asks him a series of questions put together by her sick friend and he cocks his head to the side and smirks a lot. Through out the entire interview he constantly talks about how he NEEDS to have control and how he wants to posses things. He admits to being a control freak and she identifies him as such. 

Let me tell you a secret kiddies. Having and overwhelmingly controlling personality is a sign of a MENTAL disorder and should probably be addressed. And if you have this kind of problems and you aren’t actively in counseling for them YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T BE A DOM. 

Also during this interview he mentions that he has power because if he decided to cut down his telecommunications department his employees would have trouble paying their bills. Wow…What an asshole thing to say. AND SHE EVEN REALIZES HE HAS NO HUMANITY AND MAKES A MENTAL NOTE OF IT. But its okay. Because later on he casually makes a comment about how he’s worried about feeding hungry people and that’s why he invests in farming technology.

Oh wait. No. That’s not concern for people. That’s just more money in your pocket. So you’re still a fucking ass hat. 

And if you’re defining power as having the ability to HURT people and holding it over their heads…Get out. Especially people who aren’t even involved in a BDSM relationship with you. I get the whole dynamic of ‘i could break you; But I won’t” and the trust that entails. BUT THESE ARE JUST NORMAL PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR HIM AND HE SEES EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM AS A SUBMISSIVE. 



But who cares of he’s a controlling dick who doesn’t care about anything but being powerful and satisfying his own sadistic desire to control everyone’s lives. He’s dressed well…And is attractive. And his gaze ‘penetrates’ her and makes her flush deep….Also something about muscles deep in her belly clenching. That isn’t even an attractive phrase. 




Q: Sir, I have been in a relationship for the past year, and he is the first lover who has been able to bring out a more playful side in me. Early on, we identified our roles. He was dominant and I was submissive and we came to this understanding quite naturally. I’m not into leather or restraints though. By dominant I mean that I like him to take charge, to be in control. I was curious about such things before, but not to the extent that I experimented with them the way I do now. Is it possible to meet a person who brings that out in you?


Glad to get my first e-mail! Well, the question seems a bit vague but I will answer as best I can. Please feel free to ask any follow up questions you may have! 

I think it is very possible to find someone who brings this side out. It’s all about comfort level. If you’re with someone who you don’t feel comfortable experimenting with you’ll never learn what you truly enjoy. Kink and BDSM is all about crossing the thresh hold of the unknown and while limits are limits and should be adhered to…Everyone has those little things that sit in the back of their minds, waiting for the opportunity to come out and play.

Having someone who is open to exploring these little ideas is key to discovering yourself in a sexual way. I think very few people come into sex knowing exactly what they want and what they like and those things are altered as you experience more.

So yes. I do believe that a person who might have no interest in kink, or just a little, can find someone to bring out that side of them through exploration and experimentation. 


Q: Sir, I had a very bad experience once with a master and still have nightmares from it and now that my bf and I are getting into that type of relationship I’m having a hard time letting go and giving him control. What should I do?

The biggest thing to do is to move at your own pace. You have to move as slowly as you need in order to feel comfortable. Handing over control is a big step and I advise against jumping into it. That may just lead to more road blocks along the way when you try to take your relationship further.

Keep it simple at first. Start with the very basic things you might not even consider kinky. Maybe things like spanking and hair pulling. I say start from the beggining and explore the things you have in common. Establish firm ground rules and ard limits. Explain the things you’re nervous about and the issues you’re having. Commincation is the key to any sucesful relationship and even more so in a kink relationship. Being firm in this situation is going to be almost as important as communication. You have to remember that you’re safety and well being (Mental and physical) comes before any orders or protocal.

Really just go slow and get back to basics. I think for now it would be best to not jump into a 24/7 situation. Maybe little things and agreed upon rules. Maybe you have to do certain chores (If you’re interested in service based kink). I think it’s all about the little things especially now. Get back to your roots and start over, creating new memories with you’re new boyfriend and Dom.


Q: Sir, what is the difference between a Master and a Sir, if you don’t mind my asking.

It’s a very open ended question but a good one. The titles are what you make of them. A Master could be anything and so could a Sir. But I’m assuming this isn’t the answer you’re looking for. Let me preface what I’m about to say with the fact that this is just based on my personal experiences and opinions and that it in no way sets up a frame of references for any Sir or Master. Speak to the Dom to understand what it is they are all about!

In my travels, most people who refer to themselves as Sir are people who put a high price on domestic abilities and more of the gentler kink. There seems to be more flexibility and less of a desire to dominate completely. They tend to let their subs act and speak more freely. Now…Like I said, this is not true across the board. I have met Sir’s who simple like the sound of ‘Sir’ better than ‘Master’ when they crack their whip across their slave’s ass. Master does seem to hold to a certain level of power though. When you have a Master you tend to have a slave or pet on the other end who have a little less say in the daily going on’s.

That is my persnal opinion, though as I stated more than once, there are exceptions to these rules and I’ve found that most Dom’s pick what they want to be called simply because it appeals to them on some level. I’ve met people who liked to be called ‘Marquis’, ‘Lord’, ‘Prince’ and many other titles.